What was i thinking?
by poofyParanormal
Summary: This is just a short story on some thing that happened in my life.  Roxas pov


I never thought that it was going to be like this. If I knew that pushing you away was going to make me feel so lonely I would have never said those things to you. I miss the times we'd walk hand in hand to our classes. The times you'd see me and scream my name. Making me turn around and run to you and embrace you. It's been 4 months, and I feel like the whole reason this happened is just foolish yet I think you deserve it.

Sure you had a boy friend, but that didn't mean you could ignore me for a whole month and then expect me to act as if everything was okay. That's just bullshit. I found it even more stupid how you acted as if you didn't know what was going on, why I was ignoring you and avoiding you at all costs. To be honest, a small part of me felt awful, but another part of me was telling me that I was doing the right thing, that you would learn a lesson this way. It's too bad that I felt like I was going to die, that I wouldn't live another day without seeing a smile on your face. I was dying to run up to you and tell you I was sorry, that I missed you and that I didn't mean anything I said. But I was too scared to. I was afraid you'd look at me and tell me to find another person to call a friend.

You've been my friend for 4 years. We always had each others back and we always knew what to say to each other when we were down. There was never a time where I'd be depressed because you'd always find a way to cheer me up. Even if it meant just sitting next to me holding my hand.

I remember the times when we'd be in lunch and we'd always walk up to the line. That dreaded line that took 20 minutes to just get our food. You'd lean against the wall and have me lean on you, with out fingers laced as we waited. People would look at us, and we'd just ignore them. Several people always asked, _'Woah you and Axel? I didn't know.' _I'd always just tell them that no, we were just friends. But I saw the look on their face as they walked away. They thought I was lying, but I didn't care.

I remember freshmen year, when we had 8th period together. You sat on the other side of the room, yet that never stopped you from trying to get my attention. Risking getting detention from that temper mental teacher. You'd start snapping your fingers, and I knew full well what you were trying to do from the start. I'd always look up to see you with a smirk on your face, causing me to blush and look away, leaving you to feel victorious.

And now here we are, not even talking to each other anymore. There have been times when you would go up to me and ask, _'Just… please, tell me what I did wrong. I miss you._' And I'd just glare at you and walk away. Every time I think about that my stomach would flip, and I'd feel a sudden urge to scream.

There were so many times you'd try to save our friendship, several tries, and yet I turned them all down and walked away, with an aching heart. I think back now and ask myself why I would do this to myself, why I would do this to _him_. I just didn't know anymore.

It was a month after everything started that I got into a relationship with Reno. He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. But I knew that deep down the relationship wouldn't last. Why you say? Because he went through guys like a chick went through tampons. I was right too, only five days and we were over. He said that we should stay best friends and we did. After that he acted as if nothing ever happened. I'd always lay in bed with tears in my eyes. I'd always think about Reno, and I'd always replay that first kiss. I really liked him, and sometimes id wonder if he really liked me back. Or if I was just another guy to him. But I always had you in my head. You, Axel, were all I could think about and I'd always feel my heart clench at the thought of our friendship never being fixed up, and it all being my fault.

It was then, on the 3rd month that Demyx couldn't take it anymore. He ran up to me and asked my why we weren't talked, why I was ignoring him. Demyx was friends with the both of us and he couldn't take it when he talked about one to the other and have them get angry at the sound of their name. I would just answer that I didn't want to talk about it and walk away.

Halfway into that month they switched my schedule up. I had 4th lunch now. Only one thought crossed my mind and it was you. You had that lunch. I knew you would always look at me, with eyes filled with an emotion I couldn't place. I sat with Marluxia, Cloud, and Zexion. Only Cloud knew about my situation, no one else.

When ever I saw Axel nearby it was impossible to runaway, he'd always wait by the doors leading to the patio and that was the only way out to my table. Again he would ask me why? Why I hated him. Once again I just walked away.

It was then, the 4th month that I couldn't take it anymore. I was on facebook talking to Demyx on I.M when I brought I'm up. When I spilled the beans about feeling like shit not having him around anymore. How I wished everything returned to normal. He told me that I needed to read something and that it was important. He sent me a conversation between him and Axel. Once I started reading, I felt the tears go down my face. He didn't care, he thought I fucking hated him. All I could do was cry. I felt awful, I felt disgusting just thinking of everything I did to make him think that.

Demyx gave me his number and I decided to tell him how much I was sorry. But I couldn't bring myself to call him. I texted him instead. That day, I felt like tons were lifted from my shoulders because we were talking again. He told me that he forgave me and that he wasn't mad at me, he was just confused as to why I ignored him and never talked to him anymore. 'I forgive you.' Was all that ran through my head.

It was then at school, that I was walking to my lunch table that I heard you call my name. I stopped and looked at you, you were smiling again, and I was just about to cry when I had you in my arms again. You whispered _'Oh god Roxas, I missed you so much. I love you.' _I held him tighter and my voice cracked. 'I missed you too.' It was then when I pulled away that I saw you, only this time your face was filled with happiness. That's all I ever wanted.

A/N

This is a story about some thing that happened with me and one of my closest friends. I was a bitch, and I'm not going to lie about that. I get mad easy but I think I had a good reason to be mad right? That whole month without the person, without talking to them really saddened me. So when they thought it was okay to talk to me after a month I guess I blew :/

But here we are, today we made up and I really feel amazing. Never in my life am I going to do such an awful thing again. I was lucky this time. But next time I'm sure I won't be as lucky.


End file.
